The Thermostat
by Capt. Lindz
Summary: Luigi has troubles with the temperature rising in his room and goes on an adventure to find out who the culprit is! ONESHOT. Rated M to be safe.


**Disclaimer**: I do not own, REPO: The Genetic Opera! It is property to Darren Bousman, Darren Smith and Terrance Zdunich (and all the legal jazz) ... and my Italian is pretty poor, alas, I tried!

Luigi Largo woke up sweating mercilessly.  
"FUCK MOTHERFUCKER WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HOT IN THIS GODDAMN PRISON?" His temper flared uncontrollably, reflecting the extremely hot and stifling temperature on his room's thermostat. He hung one leg out of bed, it barely touching the ground of the luxurious hardwood floor in his sweltering suite on the southern tower of the Largo estate. Luigi managed to rip off the luxurious silk covers in an instant and ran to the thermostat, glaring at it angrily.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? WHO THE FUCK TOUCHED THE GODDAMN TEMPERATURE IN THIS ROOM I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO FUCKING GUT YOU LIKE A FISH THEN WEAR YOUR INTESTINES AS SLIPPERS!" Luigi's voice boomed through the empty halls of the Largo estate.

In the tower opposite to Luigi's resided Pavi Largo, gazing dreamily in his golden pocket mirror at his newly acquired face. "Ah, mia faccia e bella!"( _my face is beautiful)_ Pavi continued to stare dreamily at his new piece of flesh; he managed to take note of the rumbling floor underneath him. Yes, his ever so faithful brother Luigi Largo was making an appearance.

"HEY FUCK FACE! I KNOW YOU TOUCHED THE TEMPERATURE IN MY ROOM!" Luigi roared from the door. Pavi placed his mirror down gently and cocked his head to the side "che cosa?" (_What?_) Pavi blinked a few times before he realized Luigi's flaring temper. He was oblivious to his anger beforehand as he was too absorbed with his face to hear the cries from one of the GENterns being brutally stabbed by Luigi Largo's favourite knife.

"Look FUCK FACE, POPS IS A SECOND GENERATION ITALIAN AND WE ARE THIRD, KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? IT MEANS OUR "NONNI" WERE THE ONES TO COME OFF THAT BOAT, NOT HIM NOT US, OUR GRANDPARENTS SO STOP PRETENDING THAT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S FRESH OFF THE FUCKING BOAT BECAUSE WE'RE NOT! SO USE SOME FUCKING ENGLISH WHEN YOU TALK TO ME OTHERWISE I'M GOING TO SLIT YOUR THROAT WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING AND FEED YOUR SEVERED BODY TO THE DUMBSHIT GENTERNS BECAUSE GOD KNOWS THEY'RE DUMB AS FUCK!" Luigi was all frazzled. A question about the thermostat transitioned into a whole soliloquy for him. He just wanted to slice up the little bastard who touched his temperature, really!  
"Ah, fratello! I have not touched your-a thermometer! But if you really desire a thermometer, you could-a check the Pavi's love chest-a over there!" Pavi's arms motioned gloriously to the solid oak chest sitting at the foot of his bed, locked for obvious reasons. Luigi sneered a little "No faggot. I didn't mean THAT kind of thermometer. What I MEANT was the goddamn temperature in my room. Someone's been fucking with it, and they ARE going to pay!" No one makes Luigi Largo sweat except for Luigi Largo since he's one fine motherfucker! I'm leaving this fucking dump, I have to find that devious fucker and give them a piece of Luigi Largo's mind! "At this instant, Luigi managed to slither quickly out of Pavi's room and headed for his father's main office.

"POPS! POPS! I have a problem!" Lugi's voice was piercing as it filled Rotti Largo's ears. Rotti rubbed his temple in aggravation. Another one of his children had one of their ridiculous demands. Last week Pavi had a problem and for some unknown reason Pavi wanted a whole bedroom filled with teddy bears. Rotti didn't bother asking about Pavi's sudden furry obsession he just silently patronised his son and ordered a thousand smiling stuffed animals catered to Pavi's bedroom. Rotti wondered sometimes when his children would finally leave his house. It wouldn't be much of an emotional experience if they finally left, after all they were in their thirties with the exception of Amber. When he thought about it he couldn't really think of Luigi on his own, the boy doesn't even dress himself half the time! His shirts always manage to get bloodied up and once he receives a fresh shirt, he stabs the GENtern who dressed him since she managed to "prick" him while in the process of dressing him.

"What a vicious cycle" Rotti muttered. Luigi's ears perked "What's that Dad?" Oh whatever, I have a problem. Someone's been fucking with my thermostat" Rotti knitted his brows together

"Language Luigi, We don't use that language in the presence of your elders." Luigi looked with disdain, but he just HAD to get his point across, because Luigi didn't take shit from no one!

"Sorry Dad...Anyways about my room, It's like an oven in there, and it's been going on for quite some time like I don't want to be too hot, but then again I don't want to live my life like some cold vampire freak, but my problem is someone keeps switching it on me. I swear to God I'm going to stab them in the jugular." Rotti blinked a few times, trying to process his eldest son's remark. He gave him the look of, 'Okay, so... is that all you have to say? Idiot.'

"Alright son, I'll send someone to adjust your thermostat, rest assured you will be able to sleep well tonight. Now if you excuse me, I have work that desperately needs to be attended to." Rotti shifted his body back towards the "paperwork" he was pretending he was doing, he didn't want to admit he spent his time brooding over history. He waved his son out of his office, making sure that he wouldn't make a re-appearance, he gave him "a walking allowance". Rotti exhaled heavily once his eldest son left and managed to speak,

"Damn it! A trained monkey would have been more reliable and responsible than my own kids!" Rotti face palmed himself and sunk deep into his chair lost in his own thoughts.

Luigi decided it was fair to explore the City of Sanitarium Island he thought it would be eventful to get his mind off the fucker who was tinkering with his room's temperature. He went for a walk for about thirty minutes and realized that walking was just not his style so he called up one of the Largo family limousines to pick him up three blocks away from the Largo estate. He was fucking tired anyways and he definitely needed a shower from all the exercise he had engaged in.

After the long shower Luigi stepped out of his bathroom, he realized the temperature of his room was at his ideal. "FUCK YEAH!" he cheered to himself, "Now I have to fucking get dressed I'm fucking tired, all of this shit for a goddamned temperature, what does a handsome devil like me have to do, I have to fucking climb all over the world to get something like this fixed FUCK I had to wait a whole hour for this too, what the fuck an hour is too long I almost killed the repairman, fucking guy says he had other appointments... for Luigi Largo, NO ONE HAS OTHER FUCKING APPOINTMENTS"

Luigi managed to dress himself in his black silk pyjamas. He buttoned them up cautiously managing to keep from buttoning up his chest hair to his pyjama shirt. He was completely satisfied. He put his favourite knife down on his night table and climbed into his luxurious bed, drifting off into slumber.

It was 4:23 AM and it was fucking hot. Not in the good way either. Luigi woke up enraged. "THE FUCKING TEMPERATURE IN THIS ROOM! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! WHO THE FUCK!" he ran to the thermostat and glared at it, the heat was on and ridiculously high, yet again. Luigi, drenched in his own sweat grew even more frustrated as the moments passed while he sat there thinking. "Ugh Fuck this!" Luigi fixed the thermostat but he knew it would be way too long before the room was at his liking. He then stomped through the hallway and ended up at one particular door.

Pavi Largo was lost in slumber, dreaming about beautiful women, beautiful body parts, and a beautiful silver unicorn with a long luminous horn. His dream-self wandered to the unicorn, it stood there gently nudging its head under Pavi's arm looking for affection! Pavi smiled from ear to ear. "Ah bella! I have missed you-a so much-a!" He embraced the majestic unicorn and the unicorn neighed in approval. Suddenly, he was woken from his fantastic slumber.

"Hey, fuck face, move over! I'm sleeping with you tonight!" It was the voice of Luigi. Pavi was surprised Luigi had decided to sleep in Pavi's bed. He grimaced, It wasn't often the Pavi had slumber parties with Luigi he couldn't even remember the last time they had one, all he remembered it ended in him getting taped to a wall with duct tape. Lost in thought, Pavi swiftly contemplated the question of if he was wearing pants. He quickly checked underneath the covers to verify as Luigi climbed into Pavi's bed. Pavi sighed in relief, as for once he remembered the pants! He heard Luigi's body shift to the side on the bed and heard him breathe gently,

"If you touch me tonight, I will fuck your shit up tomorrow. Just wait and see..." Pavi shrugged and clapped his hands signalling for the light to turn off. He re-arranged himself so he could quickly fall asleep hoping he could resume his dream with his beloved unicorn. He heard Luigi stir once more,

"Where the fuck has Amber been?" Luigi said sleepily. Pavi wondered. He hadn't seen Amber in quite a few days. This was common for Amber though, he thought to himself some more

"Eh? She's –a probably getting new implants, maybe –a this time they will-a sparkle..." Pavi spoke hopefully. Luigi grunted a little.

"Fuck that. Goodnight." Luigi finally fell asleep and soon Pavi followed. Creeping ever so gently down the halls was Amber Sweet trying to find her way back to her bedroom after her mission of finding her next fix of Zydrate. She braced the walls as she walked past Luigi's room. She thought to herself for a moment

'Oh! I should check my hotness meter; it may have gone down again..." Amber went into Luigi's room and looked at the thermostat the temperature was quite low and a scowl quickly replaced her smile. 'That's definitely not good enough for Amber Sweet!' Amber quickly turned the heat up to an extremely high level and smiled as she left Luigi's room, feeling the walls still for support and hoping she was in the right direction to her room. By the time she found her room she collapsed on her bed. The effects of Zydrate were still coursing through her body. She fell asleep with a smile on her face.

The following morning Luigi's screams were heard throughout the Largo estate "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK! OH FUCK ME FUCK THIS I FUCKING GIVE UP!" his temper tantrum subsided but it managed to wake up everyone in the Largo Estate including Amber herself. Amber threw her pillow viciously at the door. Everyone was being so incredibly insensitive to Amber and her beauty sleep; couldn't they be more understanding after her night of Zydrate binging? Unfortunately Amber's ignorance lead to the sudden death of two more GENterns who managed to be at the wrong place at the wrong time inside of the Largo mansion.


End file.
